Why More Women Need to Officiate Muslim Weddings by Nora Zaki

“In Arabic, there are forty words for love.” When I shared that information in one of the sermons (khutbas) I gave as a Muslim Wedding Service (MWS) officiant, I could see reflection and awe on the faces of the guests in the wedding.  My name is Nora Zaki and I am one of the newest officiants at MWS and one of two female officiants. As a college chaplain at two colleges, writing sermons for Friday prayers (salat al-jum’ah) is not only part of my job responsibilities, but also something I enjoy undertaking.

However, since the students I work with are male and female, and a male khatib gives the sermons in front of a mixed congregation, I do not perform the khutba.  Enter Muslim Wedding Service and the khutba that the officiants deliver: I’ve been able to fill a missing gap in sermon delivery.  Not only have I filled a gap in the actual oratorical delivery of the sermon, but I have learned so much more about sermon research. For example, many officiants reflect on one of God’s many names, Al-Wadud, the All Loving, during the ceremonies. As someone who loves the Arabic language, including rhetoric, looking up the root meaning of this name and other names of God as it relates to love has been a fruitful way to do research on delivering meaningful sermons to Muslim couples who request the MWS company. 

I’ve asked myself: what does love, mercy and compassion mean to me? How can I let the sublime words of the Qur’an and God’s communicating the several verses on marriage come to life? When God, Most High and Exalted is He, speaks of couples as garments to each other, what does that mean?  How can I show the example of such love embodied in our noble messenger, the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, with his beautiful relationship with his first wife, Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, may God be pleased with her, and his other wives, may God be pleased with them? It is these questions which have made me step back and reevaluate how I understand marriage from the viewpoint of the Qur’an and the life of our blessed Prophet. 

So far, I’ve performed several virtual services with couples based in California and South Carolina. I’m looking forward to many more services, both virtual and in-person. 

In addition to research on Qur’anic verses, I’ve also been inspired by everyday life. When do I see a beautiful, intimate relationship that is modeled on the Qur’an? Everyday life even includes watching television series like the historical Turkish series “Ertugrul.”  One of the characters in the series, Ibn Arabi, performs several wedding ceremonies taking place in 13th century CE Anatolia.  Ibn Arabi extols poignant philosophical understandings of how Muslims understand love, marriage and partnership, including that love is a gift from God to humankind.  Credit must also be given to Afraz Khan, Executive Director of MWS, who enabled me to sit in virtually on several weddings he performed as the officiant.  I also received inspiration from him, along with his passionate, powerful and sincere delivery of the sermons.

Another aspect that has brought pleasure to being an officiant is asking couples if I can customize their sermon.  Many couples have family members who are of different religions. For example, one couple requested that I include verses from the Bible on love since the bridegroom was a convert from Christianity.  It was meaningful and important for him that his Christian family felt included in the ceremony. And, as one of the meanings of Islam is submission to God in the way of Prophet Ibrahim, upon him peace, biblical verses can be a reminder for Muslims as well of the monotheistic way of worshiping God. One couple shared how they met and eventually decided to get married from a shared value of empathy.  I was able to reflect in the sermon how the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, embodied and acted with an empathic character. 

Fun also means inquiring about clothing coordination with the bride and groom!  So far, the couples I’ve worked with have not requested any coordination, but I look forward to the day when it comes.  

So, perhaps you may be asking the question: Did anyone ask if you, Nora, as a female, can be an officiant?  I actually asked myself that question and Imam Khalid Latif of MWS shared with me that, “the marriage ceremony is a contract which is different from rituals like prayer. There are no restrictions on women to oversee a marriage contract or walk someone through it, so the evidence would be rooted in there being no evidence to indicate impermissibility.” His response reminded me of an Islamic ethos: Everything is permissible (halal) except what God forbade.  Hence, we must make sure that Muslim women are given the platform, which MWS is doing, to be officiants.  We must normalize Muslim women reciting Qur’anic verses in a melodic way in front of a mixed audience for the purpose of officiating a wedding and/or other occasions that is done with modesty and decorum. 

I continue to be honored with couples and their beloved family and friends asking me to be their wedding officiant and craft a sermon that is Qur’anically, prophetically and culturally sound. If you are ready to get married or know someone who is, please let me know and God willing, inshAllah, I will be happy to be your officiant.